Friday, July 22, 2016

Pitch Wars: #PimpMyBio

Hey peoples. So, as a hopeful Pitch Wars mentee, I'm going to do something I didn't do last year - the #PimpMyBio blog hop, because as much as they said it was optional, I get the feeling (insert Honey Lemon voice) it's really...not. Or I just want an excuse to write some fun stuff about myself. Something like that.

As a YA urban fantasy writer in need of publication, with over 150 queries under his belt, I'm thinking conventional routes might not cut it. Already I've got a small Wattpad fanbase (though they have yet to read my more recent, more polished drafts), but any help from seasoned tastemakers and writers (like the Pitch Wars mentors) I can get, that would absolutely give me a shot at getting ahead.

And getting ahead is exactly what my book, Red Rain, needs. First, a brief synopsis:

Heaven and Hell aren't above or below Earth. If you want to find them, you should be looking sideways.

Coldfire Creek, California, is a small mountain town straddling the border between Heaven and Hell - but not the Heaven and Hell we think we know. Instead, they are simply alternate versions of Earth. In this split-up town lives teenage angel Alex Snow, whose life is a very weird one. His twin brother Gabe is a demon, his tastes in pop culture are quirky at best...and one of his classmates has been brutally murdered. After some more bodies start to pop up in a string of gruesome homicides, all with some connection to water, the brothers are contacted by the still-living souls of the victims, who ask them to help stop this "Aqua Killer." What they do not expect is to discover their own shocking connection to the madman. And when Alex's girlfriend becomes a target, he must put a stop to the Aqua Killer or risk losing his first love.


Appetites whetted yet? Here's a look at some of Red Rain's characters, as represented by their closest celebrity look-alikes.

Alex Snow, our winged hero,
a.k.a. "you cheeky bastard."
Gabe Snow, his brother.
The Stiles to his Scott.
Fionna Lee, Alex's girlfriend.
Actual sugar and spice. Mostly spice.
Dani Cabrera. New girl on campus.
Owner of a mysterious past.

And now...my actual bio. (Please note that most of the following material is getting pasted straight from the "About Me" page already up on my blog.)

Ready, Pitch Wars peeps? Here we go!

The Pinecone General, circa 2016,
as a genderbent Casey Newton.

Hey everyone.

Officially, I was born in 1993 in the San Francisco Bay Area, in a town too far south for driving winter rain and too far north for blazing summer heat. Unofficially, I was born in 1983 in Los Angeles, where the government immediately took me away, froze my infant self for ten years, and tried their best to make me forget I was Andrew Garfield's evil half-Maltese twin.

They failed. ;)

BEHOLD!

Unable to wait tables for lack of hand-eye coordination, and barely able to land a (seasonal) retail job for lack of the ability to maintain eye contact with the customers, I've instead turned to writing YA urban fantasy to fuel my career. It doesn't pay the bills, which is why I still live at home with my parents. Speaking of which, they were always bound and determined that I should grow up to be a nerd when my real dream was to be a geek, which is why we have so much trouble seeing eye to eye. That, and the fact that they usually see me through tracking the GPS on my phone, which is why I pretty much can't go anywhere except school, the library, and the movies maybe once a month, if that.

Because of my long-standing feeling that I don't belong in this world, I've either lost myself in the fictional ones of movies, books, and TV, or made up my own. It's a time-honored defense mechanism, and if my parents didn't want me to be a doe-eyed INFP geekboy dreamer...

You should see how often I practice this in the mirror.

...they shouldn't have bought me Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone at age seven. Sadly, it's gotten to the point where happy endings are just so hard to come by in my work, because deadly feels are right where it's at, or so it appears. I blame Harry Potter, of course. And The Amazing Spider-Man, Supernatural, Buffy, Danny Phantom, Teen Wolf, Avatar: The Last Airbender, E.T., The Flash...the list goes on.

I should also mention that after my last deal with the Devil, I'm required to continuously lament my single-pringle status lest I lose my soul. Even if I get a girlfriend (this in spite of the fact that I'm perfectly undateable), I must continue lamenting. That way, my parents won't suspect a thing, and won't get to disapprove of my significant other. They really would, too. They tend to disapprove of my dreams. Like being a writer, or writing official Spider-Man YA novels for Marvel, or getting a tattoo, or getting a motorbike, or even getting a hat. (I don't know why, but my parents hate it when I buy another overpriced beanie.)

If you want to find me, I'm often in my writing cave (my bedroom), or my public writing cave (my college library), or perhaps playing Bejeweled on my iPhone and listening to Pandora because I'm mentally stuck at age 17 and those were all super-hot back then in 2010. (This, I think, is another reason why I don't have Netflix - I'm just too behind the times.) And because of my lingering mistrust of real people, whom my parents have trained me to fear because they (my parents, I mean) think I'm too "different." (This is why I don't use my real name on the internet.)

Believe it or not, none of my writing has ever been produced under the influence. I've somehow never had alcohol or weed in my life, and the one time I ever had any kind of drugs, I was fifteen, I'd broken my leg, and they were painkillers that wrecked my digestion for a week and put me in major withdrawal every time my parents tried to wean me off them. (And they were supposed to be for kids. This is why I don't trust Big Pharma.)

And thus concludeth my overlong bio page...for now.

Sending love to all my Pinecones. <3
#FeedTheRightWolf
Remember - Denis Leary is always watching. Always.

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