Saturday, July 1, 2017

Pitch Wars 2017: Pimp My Bio

Hey peoples. So, as a hopeful Pitch Wars mentee, it's time for me to take part in the #PimpMyBio blog hop, because as much as they said it was optional, I get the feeling (insert Honey Lemon voice) it's really...not. Or I just want an excuse to write some fun stuff about myself. Something like that.

As a YA contemporary fantasy/science-fantasy writer in need of publication, with over 150 queries under his belt, I'm thinking conventional routes might not cut it. Already I've got a small Wattpad fanbase (though they have yet to read my more recent, more polished drafts), and on SwoonReads as well, but any help from seasoned tastemakers and writers (like the Pitch Wars mentors) I can get, that would absolutely give me a shot at getting ahead.

And getting ahead is exactly what my book, Red Rain, needs. First, a brief synopsis:

Heaven and Hell aren't above or below Earth. If you want to find them, you should be looking sideways.

Coldfire Creek, California, is a small mountain town straddling the border between Heaven and Hell - but not the Heaven and Hell we think we know. Instead, they are simply alternate versions of Earth. In this split-up town lives teenage angel Alex Snow, whose life is a very weird one. His twin brother Gabe is a demon, his tastes in pop culture are quirky at best...and one of his classmates has been brutally murdered. After some more bodies start to pop up in a string of gruesome homicides, all with some connection to water, the brothers are contacted by the still-living souls of the victims, who ask them to help stop this "Aqua Killer." What they do not expect is to discover their own shocking connection to the madman. And when Alex's girlfriend becomes a target, he must put a stop to the Aqua Killer or risk losing his first love.

And not only that, but thanks to the brilliant Sam Ayers, I even have a wonderful piece of cover art that I seriously would LOVE to see on the actual printed book someday.

If all this doesn't whet your appetite, I've failed as a reader, writer, and fanboy.

And actual bio. (Please note that most of the following material is getting pasted straight from the "About Me" page already up on my blog.)

Ready, Pitch Wars peeps? Here we go!

The Pinecone General, wishing he had this outfit for real. Especially the lightsaber.

Hey everyone.

Officially, I was born in 1993 in the San Francisco Bay Area, in a town too far south for driving winter rain and too far north for blazing summer heat. Unofficially, I was born in 1983 in Los Angeles, where the government immediately took me away, froze my infant self for ten years, and tried their best to make me forget I was Andrew Garfield's evil half-Maltese twin.

They failed. ;)


Unable to wait tables for lack of hand-eye coordination, and barely able to land a (seasonal) retail job for lack of the ability to maintain eye contact with the customers, I've instead turned to writing YA contemporary fantasy to fuel my career. It doesn't pay the bills, which is why I still live at home with my parents. Speaking of which, they were always bound and determined that I should grow up to be a nerd when my real dream was to be a geek, which is why we have so much trouble seeing eye to eye. That, and the fact that they usually see me through tracking the GPS on my phone, which is why I pretty much can't go anywhere except work, the library, and the movies maybe once a month, if that.

Because of my long-standing feeling that I don't belong in this world, I've either lost myself in the fictional ones of movies, books, and TV, or made up my own. It's a time-honored defense mechanism, and if my parents didn't want me to be a doe-eyed autistic INFP geekboy dreamer...

You should see how often I practice this in the mirror.

...they shouldn't have bought me Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone at age seven. Sadly, it's gotten to the point where happy endings are just so hard to come by in my work, because deadly feels are right where it's at, or so it appears. I blame Harry Potter, of course. And Divergent. And The Amazing Spider-Man, Supernatural, Buffy, Danny Phantom, Teen Wolf, Avatar: The Last Airbender, E.T., The Flash...the list goes on.

Ad infinitum nauseam.

I should also mention that after my last deal with the Devil, I'm required to continuously lament my single-pringle status lest I lose my soul. Even if I get a girlfriend (this in spite of the fact that I'm perfectly undateable), I must continue lamenting. That way, my parents won't suspect a thing, and won't get to disapprove of my significant other. They really would, too. They tend to disapprove of my dreams. Like being a writer, or writing official Spider-Man YA novels for Marvel, or getting a tattoo, or getting a motorbike, or even getting a hat. (I don't know why, but my parents hate it when I buy another overpriced beanie.)

Like so.
If you want to find me, I'm often in my writing cave (my bedroom), or perhaps listening to my Pandora because I'm mentally stuck at age 17 and that was super-hot back then in 2010. Believe it or not, none of my writing has ever been produced under the influence.

Though much of it was inspired by scenes like this one, scenes that make angels' wings shrivel all across the universe.

And thus concludeth my overlong bio page...for now.

Sending love to all my Pinecones. <3


Remember - Denis Leary is always watching. Always.

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