Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man, The Bicon We Deserved

So tonight, this two-year-old article dredging up more sordid details about the Sony Pictures email hack resurfaced and made the rounds on YA Twitter, and you know what? Even though I gotta get up early in the morning to go to work, I have to speak up on this, because it's really too near and dear to my heart, the subject matter at hand. Not to worry, I shouldn't take up too much of your time.

As a Spidey-fan, it's easy for me to blame Sony for everything that goes wrong with that franchise. Maguire!Spidey goes weird with Venom? Blame Sony. Andrew Garfield gets fired? Blame Sony. Marvel gets to put Holland!Spidey in the MCU but has to share the film rights and still struggles to even keep their foot in the door for 'em? Blame Sony.

Back to the second point, with some reading-between-the-lines expansion - Andrew Garfield gets fired for wanting to play Spidey as bisexual? Some people seem to wanna blame Stan Lee, but I'm not so inclined to do so. Well, sure, Lee's old and probably pretty set in his ways, but at least he ain't Ike Perlmutter, right?

No. As usual, I'm gonna blame Sony.

I won't even get into the whole nastiness of Sony stipulating Peter has to be white, 'cause that's not my lane - other than to hope that this particular detail doesn't preclude us from getting the on-screen live-action Miles Morales we need (and let Jason Reynolds write his parts in the screenplay too, while we're at it.)

I'm just gonna focus here on the fact that we could've had Peter exploring his sexuality in The Amazing Spider-Man 3 and/or 4, and figuring out that hey, bi ain't bad. Bi is beautiful. From the sound of it, Garfield would've sure as shit been game - hell, as I remember, he even suggested casting Michael B. Jordan as Peter's potential boyfriend.

For all the LGBTQ+ oriented media I've consumed in the last few years as I've struggled to figure out my own sexuality - Simon Vs., Adam Silvera's books, Laura Lam's books, Elliot Wake's books, Jerkbait, Eyewitness, More Than This, Last Seen Leaving, a Wattpad version of Bone Diggers, and so much more...really, they've all helped me cement my self-perception a bit better, but none have given me the courage to come out beyond the scope of my pseudonymous internet profiles. None have given me the courage to come out as a beautiful bi boy in real life.

Garfield's Spider-Man would've done that, of that I'm sure.

So, as much as I still love what we got with his version of the character, knowing this now just makes me detest Sony that much more, and hope against hope that they never, ever, EVER get their hands on the film rights to any of my books.

(That, plus the fact that Sony's got such a reputation for spoilery movie trailers.)

When I read and reviewed Silvera's History Is All You Left Me, I proposed finding alternate universes where I was out IRL, and where Garfield and Emma Stone got to play Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy in the MCU like nature intended. Perhaps those two universes might in fact be one - and they'll also get to meet Daisy Johnson in that 'verse just 'cause it'd be absolute MCU perfection for me that way.

Be still my Quaking heart...

In the absence of this alternate universe in my life, though...for now, I'm just a bi boy waiting for my even more perfect on-screen mirror, The Amazing Bi-der-Man. And yes, more than ever, I totally headcanon Garfield!Spidey as bi now. (To be fair, I low-key do for Holland!Spidey as well, but who knows where that'll go?)

To all my LGBTQ+ friends, and especially my bi comrades in arms, here's one last GIF of the man who would've been the bicon we deserved.

💗💜💙

Good night, my sweet, sweet Pinecones. Till next time...

#FeedTheRightWolf

Remember: Denis Leary is always watching. Always.