Avengers: Infinity War - "I Don't Feel So Good..."

***NO SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR, BUT SPOILERS FOR PREVIOUS MCU FILMS APPEAR WITHIN. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED: THANOS DEMANDS YOUR SILENCE.***

If you think the quote I'm using as the subtitle of this review is an indication that I didn't, in fact, like Avengers: Infinity War, you couldn't be more wrong. I'm just using that line because, while I can't explain the exact context of its delivery without a massive spoiler (and I have to cut out the name of the character to whom it's addressed, because that address alone is a spoiler in and of itself), it was part and parcel of the single most devastating scene in the entire movie, for sure the most devastating since the ending of The Amazing Spider-Man 2, and that's saying something. After ten years of buildup, does Infinity War end the MCU? Well, no. But it does shake things up so enormously that it's a good thing we only have to wait one year, instead of three, for the next Avengers movie. Next, and likely last, but still, it'll be too long a wait.

Look at everyone ready to fight Thanos - or, to paraphrase and embellish on Stark's dialogue, the Diseased Purple Nutsack.

You know this movie's the most serious business the MCU's given us yet when, instead of the usual soaring Michael Giacchino theme that plays over the Marvel Studios opening logo, we instead hear a distress call from the ship carrying all the Asgardians fleeing the destruction of their homeworld in Ragnarok six months ago. And the logo slowly gets a black background instead of the usual red one. And then it all jumps to the flaming wreckage of the ship, with so much death and destruction already, and no less than two major characters die on screen at Thanos' hand before this opening scene is over.

Yeah...that one Ragnarok post-credits scene was a little funny until Thanos showed up, and then we were all, "Oh crap." But now it's far less funny. In fact, this movie is so radically different from all previous Marvel movies, the most unremitting and intense yet, that it actually makes all the others look naive and silly in hindsight, knowing that, up to now, this is what it all leads up to. The movie where the impossible happens - all the Infinity Stones make themselves known, everything hurts and we're all dying, and, most impossible of all, you're actually going to hate Star-Lord and that's a promise.

There's really not a lot to say on this movie that isn't a spoiler, so this review is gonna be a short one. All I will say is this: Marvel puts out product that meets their usual standards and then some, as expected, and are we sure Joss Whedon wasn't involved in the screenwriting of this movie? Like, at all? I mean, not that Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely can't pull off serious game-changers after Winter Soldier and Civil War, not that the Russo Brothers can't direct the hell out of said game-changing scripts with top-notch actors all over the place...but seriously, this is some Whedon-level soul-bombage. Okay, maybe it doesn't have to be Joss. Maybe Jed. Jed Whedon proved himself capable of searing our souls to ash with Agents of SHIELD Episode 4x15: "Self Control," the second-best episode in that show's history (only 5x01, "Orientation, Part 1," beats it out, and only by a narrow margin.) Sure, Agents of SHIELD is kept mostly separate from the larger MCU - though this Friday's episode does drop a tiny nugget of a hint about Infinity War when Daisy asks, "Have you seen what's happening in New York?" But I'm firmly convinced Markus and McFeely consulted with at least one Whedon on their script for this one, just from the way we get a metric ton of death, and even leaving a few emotional cracks in Thanos' armor in the process.

The ending, though.

Slow.

Goddamn.

TORTURE.

Especially when a certain someone says "I don't feel so good." You'll gasp when the first death happens in that scene, scream and swear at the screen at another, sit back numb for most of the rest of them...but one. ONE. Will make you cry all the ugly tears like Amazing Spider-Man 2 all over again.

Not to mention that one death when even Thanos cries.

And also the scene where one character literally begs for their own future death. I shit you not.

To Infinity War, I give an A grade - likely to be bumped up to an A+ once it's properly paired with next year's conclusion, which better set this house in order because there's no way all those deaths are going to stick.

This could NOT have been the only way.

Till next time, Pinecones...

#FeedTheRightWolf

Remember: Denis Leary is always watching. Always.